What Price Your Health?

Telly Savalas as Lt. Theo Kojak with ubiquitou...

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What Price Your Health?

There are some things in life which are far too important to try and save money on, and your health is definitely one of those, but just in case you were wondering . . . before we go any further, I must insist that you visit our disclaimer  page . . . right, now that’s sorted out shall we go on?

Self medication is okay when you’re suffering from a hangover (or mystery virus, as I prefer to call it) but if you’re really ill you should always consult a medical professional . . . or start searching for remedies online.

Do beware of what you might find.  Just like my mother in law has had every illness going since some klutz bought her a medical book a couple of Christmas’s ago, you could end up feeling a whole lot worse than you did before you started. Of course, it does come in handy if she telephones whilst you’re in the middle of something important,  all you have to do is simply ask about her latest problem (knees/indigestion/migraines/dodgy elbow), lay the telephone gently on the table and  you’ve got at least 20 minutes to finish peeling the veggies, as long as you remember to make sympathetic noises every now and then.

Right, now as long as you promise not to start trying to set your own broken bones with the plaster you get in those model making sets, let’s look at a few alternatives to buying expensive medicines or relying on “the professionals”.

  • Home Made Cough Syrup – lemon and honey are definitely the two buzz ingredients when it comes to anything chesty which needs soothing. Mix with a cup of hot water and sip away. That’s cheap enough isn’t it?
  • Sore Throat Medicine (for grown ups) – I think you might like this one! Boil up a cup of brown sugar, a cup of honey and a cup of vinegar for maybe half an hour until it starts to get thick, then take it from the heat  - now comes the good bit – mix in one pint of whiskey and leave to cool. Pop it in the fridge and help yourself to a couple of tablespoons when necessary. Do not take this medication when driving or operating heavy machinery.
  • Snoring Remedies – are advertised at around $49 and they pretend that they’re giving you a good deal. I find that a good old dig in the ribs does the trick, closely followed by the promise of the offending hog spending the rest of the night on the sofa.
  • Mystery Virus (aka Hangover) – remember these wise words “what makes you bad makes you better”. You could live your life in one ever repeating circle if you played your cards right. Other ideas include drinking alcohol free beer or gin and tonic without the gin when plan A is impractical, although if we’re going to get precious about it that’s really more of a method of prevention. NB – I know that we’re all keen on getting our five portions a day, but whisky and orange, the grapes in the wine and drinking tequila from a water melon do not count.
  • Chinese Bruises Recipe – special note, this is not only for use by Chinese people, it is one which Chinese people discovered but can work for people of all nationalities. Mix 1 part cayenne pepper with 5 parts of vaseline, pop it into the fridge (well marked so that nobody spreads it on their toast in the mornings) and apply once per day when cool.
  • Hair Loss – it amazes me that anybody needs to do the “Kojak” when you see what a terrific variety of home made hair loss remedies there are, apart from knitting a hat. One involves nettles, apparently you can take them internally or externally (rubbing them on your head might not be such a good idea and you might need an additional home made remedy), another one has to do with horse tails, but I’m not sure whether you need to remove the horse tail from the horse before putting your head in that area.
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